Ethel the Frog.

Voice Over: And now a choice of viewing on BBC Television. Just started on BBC2, the semi final of Episode 3 of "Kierkegaard's Journals", staring Richard Chamberlain, Peggy Mount and Billy Bremner, and on BBC1, "Ethel the Frog".

Presenter.

Presenter: Good evening. On "Ethel the Frog" to night we look at violence. The violence of British Gangland. Last Tuesday a reign of terror was ended when the notorious Piranha brothers, Doug and Dinsdale, after one of the most extraordinary trials in British legal history, were sentenced to 400 years imprisonment for crimes of violence. We examined the rise to power of the Piranhas, the methods they used to subjugate rival gangs and their subsequent tracking down and capture by the brilliant Superintendent Harry "Snapper" Organs of Q Division. Doug and Dinsdale Piranha were born, on probation, in this small house in Kipling Road, Southwark, the eldest sons in a family of sixteen.  

Kitty Malone & Arthur Piranha.

Their father Arthur Piranha, a scrap metal dealer and TV quizmaster, was well known to the police, and a devout Catholic. In 1928 he had married Kitty Malone, an up-and-coming East End boxer. Doug was born in February 1929 and Dinsdale two weeks later; and again a week after that. Someone who remembers them well was their next door neighbour, Mrs April Simnel.
Mrs Simmel: Oh yes Kipling Road was a typical East End Street, people were in and out of each other's houses with each other's property all day. They were a cheery lot.
Interviewer: Was it a terribly violent area.
Mrs Simmel: Oh no......yes. Cheerful and violent. I remember Doug was very keen on boxing, but when he learned to walk he took up putting the boot in the groin. He was very interested in that. His mother had a terrible job getting him to come in for tea. Putting his little boot in he'd be, bless him. All the kids were like that then, they didn't have their heads stuffed with all this Cartesian dualism.

 Doug and Dinsdale Piranha.

Presenter: At the age of fifteen Doug and Dinsdale started attending the Ernest Pythagoras Primary School in Clerkenwell. When the Piranhas left school they were called up but were found by an Army Board to be too unstable even for National Service. Denied the opportunity to use their talents in the service of their country, they began to operate what they called "The Operation"...They would select a victim and then threaten to beat him up if he paid the so-called protection money. Four months later they started another operation which the called "The Other Operation". In this racket they selected another victim and threatened not to beat him up if he didn't pay them. One month later they hit upon "The Other Other Operation". In this the victim was threatened that if he didn't pay them, they would beat him up. This for the Piranha brothers was the turning point.

Harry "Snapper" Organs.

Organs: Doug and Dinsdale Piranha now formed a gang, which the called "The Gang" and used terror to take over night clubs, billiard halls, gaming casinos and race tracks. When they tried to take over the MCC they were for the only time in their lives, slit up a treat. As their empire spread however, Q Division were keeping tabs on their every move by reading the colour supplements.
Presenter: One small-time operator who fell foul of Dinsdale Piranha was Vince Snetterton-Lewis.
Vince: "Well one day I was at home threatening the kids when I looks out through the hole in the wall and sees this tank pull up and out gets one of Dinsdale's boys, so he comes in nice and friendly and says Dinsdale wants to have a word with me, so he chains me to the back of the tank and takes me for a scrape round to Dinsdale's place and Dinsdale's there in the conversation pit with Doug and Charles Paisley, the baby crusher, and two film producers and a man they called "Kierkegaard", who just sat there biting the heads of whippets and Dinsdale says 'I hear you've been a naughty boy Clement' and he splits me nostrils open and saws me leg off and pulls me liver out and I tell him my name's not Clement and then... he loses his temper and nails me head to the floor."

Vince.

Interviewer: He nailed your head to the floor?
Vince: At first, yeah.
Presenter: Another man who had his head nailed to the floor was Stig O' Tracy.
Interviewer: I've been told Dinsdale Piranha nailed your head to the floor.
Stig: No. Never. He was a smashing bloke. He used to buy his mother flowers and that. He was like a brother to me.
Interviewer: But the police have film of Dinsdale actually nailing your head to the floor.
Stig: (pause) Oh yeah, he did that.
Interviewer: Why?

Stig.

Stig: Well he had to, didn't he? I mean there was nothing else he could do, be fair. I had transgressed the unwritten law.
Interviewer: What had you done?
Stig: Er... well he didn't tell me that, but he gave me his word that it was the case, and that's good enough for me with old Dinsy. I mean, he didn't *want* to nail my head to the floor. I had to insist. He wanted to let me off. He'd do anything for you, Dinsdale would.
Interviewer: And you don't bear him a grudge?
Stig: A grudge! Old Dinsy. He was a real darling.
Interviewer: I understand he also nailed your wife's head to a coffee table. Isn't that true Mrs O' Tracy?

Mrs O' Tracy: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Mrs O'Tracy.

Stig: Well he did do that, yeah. He was a hard man. Vicious but fair.
Interviewer: Vince, after he nailed your head to the floor, did you ever see him again.
Vince: Yeah.....after that I used to go round his flat every Sunday lunchtime to apologise and we'd shake hands and then he'd nail my head to the floor.
Interviewer: Every Sunday?
Vince: Yeah but he was very reasonable. Once, one Sunday I told him my parents were coming round to tea and would he mind very much not nailing my head that week and he agreed and just screwed my pelvis to a cake stand.

Man affixed to a coffee table and a standard lamp.

Man: He was the only friend I ever had.
Block of concrete with a man upside down with his head buried in it.
Block: I wouldn't head a word against him.
Voice: Lovely fella.

Block.

Presenter: Clearly Dinsdale inspired tremendous fear among his business associates. But what was he really like?

Gloria: I walked out with Dinsdale on many occasions and found him a charming and erudite companion. He was wont to introduce one to eminent celebrities, celebrated American singers, members of the aristocracy and other gang leaders.
Interviewer: How had he met them?
Gloria: Through his work for charities. He took a warm interest in Boys' Clubs, Sailors' Homes, Choristers' Associations and the Grenadier Guards.
Interviewer: Was there anything unusual about him?
Gloria: At him. I should say not. Except, that Dinsdale was convinced that he was being watched by a giant hedgehog whom he referred to as 'Spiny Norman'.
Interviewer: How big was Norman supposed to be?
Gloria: Normally Spiny Norman was wont to be about twelve feet from snout to tail, but when Dinsdale was depressed Norman could be anything up to eight hundred yards long. When Norman was about Dinsdale would go very quiet and start wobbling and his nose would swell up and his teeth would move about and he'd get very violent and claim that he'd laid Stanley Baldwin."
Interviewer: "Did it worry you that he, for example, stitched people's legs together?"
Gloria: "Well it's better than bottling it up isn't it. He was a gentleman, Dinsdale, and what's more he knew how to treat a female impersonator."

Gloria.

Presenter: But what do the criminologists think? We asked The Amazing Kargol and Janet:
Ciminologist: It is easy for us to judge Dinsdale Piranha too harshly. After all he only did what many of us simply dream of doing... I'm sorry. After all we should remember that a murderer is only an extroverted suicide. Dinsdale was a looney, but he was a happy looney. Lucky bugger."
Presenter: Most of the strange tales concern Dinsdale, but what about Doug? One man who met him was Luigi Vercotti.
Vercotti: I had been running a successful escort agency -- high class, no really, high class girls -- we didn't have any of *that* -- that was right out. And I decided (phone rings) Excuse me (he answers phone) Hello......no, not now......shtoom...shtoom....right......yes, we'll have the watch ready for you at midnight.......the watch.....the Chinese watch....yes, right-oh, bye-bye.....mother (he hangs up phone) Anyway I decided to open a high class night club for the gentry at Biggleswade withInternational cuisine and cooking and top line acts, and not a cheap clip joint for picking up tarts -- that was right out, I deny that completely --, and one evening in walks Dinsdale with a couple of big lads, one of whom was carrying a tactical nuclear missile. They said I had bought one of their fruit machines and would I pay for it.

Verconti.

2nd Interviewer: How much did they want?
Vercotti: They wanted three quarters of a million pounds.
2nd Interviewer: Why didn't you call the police?
Vercotti: Well I had noticed that the lad with the thermonuclear device was the chief constable for the area. So a week later they called again and told me the cheque had bounced and said... I had to see... Doug.
2nd Interviewer: Doug?
Vercotti: Doug (takes a drink) Well, I was terrified. Everyone was terrified of Doug. I've seen grown men pull their own heads off rather than see Doug. Even Dinsdale was frightened of Doug.
2nd Interviewer: What did he do?
Vercotti: He used... sarcasm. He knew all the tricks, dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody, litotes and... satire. He was vicious.

H-Bomb.

Presenter: By a combination of violence and sarcasm, the Piranha brothers by February 1966 controlled London and the Southeast of England. It was in February, though, that Dinsdale made a big mistake.
Gloria: Latterly Dinsdale had become increasingly worried about Spiny Norman. He had come to the conclusion that Norman slept in an aeroplane hangar at Luton Airport.
Presenter: And so on Feb 22nd 1966, Dinsdale blew up Luton. (shot of a H-Bomb exploding) Even the police began to sit up and take notice.
Organs: The Piranhas realised they had gone too far and that the hunt was on. They went into hiding. I decided on a subtle approach, viz. some form of disguise, as the old helmet and boots are a bit of a giveaway. Luckily my years with Bristol Rep. stood me in good stead, as I assumed a bewildering variety of disguises. I tracked them to Cardiff, posing as the Reverend Smiler Egret. Hearing they'd gone back to London, I assumed the identity of a pork butcher, Brian Stoats. On my arrival in London, I discovered they had returned to Cardiff, I followed as Gloucester from "King Lear". Acting on a hunch I spent several months in Buenos Aires as Blind Pew, returning through the Panama Canal as Ratty, in "Toad of Toad Hall".

Organs as Ratty.

Back in Cardiff, I relived my triumph as Sancho Panza in "Man of la Mancha" which the "Bristol Evening Post" described as 'a glittering performance of rare perception', although the "Bath Chronicle" was less than enthusiastic. In fact it gave me a right panning. I quote.
Voice Over: As for the performance of Superintendent Harry "Snapper" Organs as Sancho Panza, the audience were bemused by his high-pitched Welsh accent and intimidated by his abusive ad-libs.
Organs (off screen):The "Western Daily News" said......
Voice over (John Cleese): 'Sancho Panza (Mr Organs) spoilt an otherwise impeccably choreographed rape scene by his unscheduled appearance and persistent cries of "What's all this then?"

Policeman & Organs in dressing-room.

Policeman: Never mind Snapper love you can't win 'em all
Organs: True constable. Could I have my eye-liner please?
2nd Policeman: Telegram for you, love.
Organs: Good-oh Bet it's from Binkie.
2nd Policeman: Those flowers are for Sergant Lauderdale - from the gentleman waiting outside.
Organs: Oh good.
3rd Policeman: Thirty second superintendent
Organs: Oh blimey, I'm on. Is me hat on straight constable
Policeman: Oh it's fine
Organs: Right here we gone then Hawkins
Policeman: Oh, merde superintendent
Organs: Good luck then
They come down the stairs and walk off along pavement. The city gent passes them doing his silly walk.
Nwespaper Seller: Read all about it Pirhana brothers escape.

Street is completely clears very fast. Freeze frame on empty street. An enormous hedgehog higher that the houses comes into shot saying '"Dinsdale?"

Hedgehog: Dinsdale?!

Hedhehog, Spiny Norman.

Hedgehog: Dinsdale?!

Hedgehog: Dinsdale?!

It's a pastiche of the real-life story of the Kray twins, famous gangsters in the East End of London in the 1950s and 1960s. Doug and Dinsdale Piranha were loosely based on Reggie and Ronnie Kray, and the policeman who pursued them, Harry "Snapper" Organs (Detective Superintendent Leonard "Nipper" Read). But their methods seem to resemble more closely those used by the rival, The Richardson Gang (Torture Gang). Their alleged specialities included pulling teeth using pliers, cutting off toes using bolt cutters, and nailing victims to the floor using 6-inch nails. Richardsona, the gang boss, was also a scrap metal dealer like papa Piranha. I suppouse that Charlie, Ronnie, and Reggie were collectively the inspiration for sketch about The Piranha Brothers.

Ethel the Frog, Ethel The Frog, 1980.

The band's unusual name was taken from a Monty Python sketch. Ethel the Frog was a heavy metal band formed in 1976 in Hull, England. Band split in 1981. Dr Terry Hopkinson (vocals, bass) is now a lecturer at the University of Leicester School of Archaeology.

Monty Python's Flying Circus, The Piranha Brothers (Full).